Thursday, July 13, 2006

Sometimes You Just Have to be Direct

STOP RIGHT THERE, OFFICE SUPPLY PIRATE!

I know what you’re up to. You’re eyeballing my wastebasket again. Or maybe this time you’re after my chair. Perhaps scissors are your pleasure. Or tape. I know I make an easy mark. My door is unlocked. Nobody is here. Nobody is watching. My office supplies seem unworn. Unloved, even. Perhaps they ask you to take them and put them to more regular use.

(Is it the siren song of my lonely stapler that beckons you?)

I cannot know this answer or your motivations for removing my office supplies and putting them to use elsewhere in the office. I cannot know whether it is a misplaced sense of altruism towards underused inanimate objects that motivates you or if you are simply too overworked and frazzled to consider complex guidelines to life like the social contract or the golden rule.

I can only say: Please stop boosting my office supplies.

I need them.

And when I do need them, I like to find them in my office, where I left them, in the place where they belong.

While it may seem like a fun diversion to embark upon a scavenger hunt for my office supplies every single time I come into the office, it’s actually kind of a pain in the bottom drawer.

So please, Pirate of Supplies, do not touch my booty.

Or I will punch your teeth off.

Thanks.

1 Comments:

Anonymous jealous sister caitlin said...

oh, I'll touch your booty. Yarr!

12:19 PM  

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